you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
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