Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
