That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
