the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
