My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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