still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
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