Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
