Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize