Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
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