Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize