There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
