hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
