): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
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