why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
I intend to get homeless drunk
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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