mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
