That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
