Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Randomize