The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
