I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
