Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
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