Say something about gay babies.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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