I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Randomize
