Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Randomize
