You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
