You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
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