So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
