his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
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