Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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