she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Randomize
