Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
