So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Randomize
