home. puking in laundry basket.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
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