I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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