i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
