I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
