Swine flu. Run for my life!
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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