You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
