Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
