Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
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