Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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