I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Randomize
