did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
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