Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Randomize
