He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
