He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
My penis needs a shock collar
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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