oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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