I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
i will never coherently bang her
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize
