Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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