So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
I am midnight drunk by noon
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
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