Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Randomize
