I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
He passed out mid-signature
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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