I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
