DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
