What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
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