im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
