But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Randomize
