DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
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