Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
