apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
it hurts more in the daytime
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
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