is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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