I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Randomize
