woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Randomize
