So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Randomize
