you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
That accounts for only three of the penises
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
