I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
