i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Randomize
