peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Randomize
