I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
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