I'm sorry my penis didn't work
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
Randomize
