If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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