We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
