The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
