Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Randomize
