o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
