I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
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