Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
